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| | OMG I have been gone a long time. What have I been doing? Eating. No, no, not "eating" - normal people "eat" - I was BINGING. Bad. Like really bad. I'm bigger now, and I'm a wreck. It seems like most of you are able to restrict just fine, or if you B/P you do it in moderation. I don't have that. Something is seriously wrong with me. Eating three bowls of cereal is not a binge for me. I eat 10 bowls. I can eat more food in one sitting than a linebacker and it's obviously having an impact on my overall size and shape. Damn. I have got to get back on track and realign myself. I'm drifting and it's stupid and scary. Also I'm fat. I'm probably the fattest bulimic ever, thanks to my immense binges. God I wish I could just be a normal B/Per. Or even just a normal person. |  |
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| Sorry I haven't updating, I've been sick all week. I found out this morning that it's strep throat, but the doc gave me antibiotics so I should be better by Monday.
On the plus side, I lost three pounds. I hope it stays off, I think sometimes illness-related weightloss comes back on as soon as you're well again. But I don't know if that's true or not. I hope not.
I hope you ladies have been doing well in my absence, see you next week!
Today's tip: Use high-heat non-stick spray to saute things on the stove, instead of oil. The high-heat kind works better than the old kind, and it's also 0 calories.
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| Today my boy gets back into town. This will pretty much fix my sudden backslide into disorders gone by. I did pretty good yesterday, and I did great last night. No purging last night. Hurrah for no purging! I'm down another pound, but I don't know if I deserve to celebrate since I was so bad this week. Aww, screw that, a pound is a pound, right? Hurrah for losing a pound!
I cannot WAIT until my measurements start decreasing significantly. I have problems buying clothes because my ass is so much bigger than my waist. Haha, for real, my measurements are 38-29-42. Wtf? Badunka dunk. My boyfriend is all about the ass; I just want to get rid of it. (Not all of it, but trust me, I've got plenty to spare.) So far I've lost two inches, so we're on our way. It seems like it takes SO long. UGH.
Thank you girls SO much for all your kind words and support through
this tough week I've been having. It really does help, because I can't
really tell anyone in real life about these things; they all think I'm
"cured" or whatever. (As if that ever happens.) You're all very appreciated. :) See you next week!
Today's tip: We all log our calories obsessively. Instead of eating all day then entering in the data. log the food you're about to eat *before* you eat it. Don't just calculate in your head, but actually go and enter it into your Fitday or Nutridiary or whatever. Once you see the numbers calculated up and permanent in the log, sometimes it works to make you not want the snack so much after all. It's worth a shot.
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| This is going to get a little graphic, I should warn you now.
So yesterday after I posted about how I was going to fight and be strong and not purge again, I purged. Surprised? I didn't think so. So anyway, I started out really good. I had a small breakfast, no big deal, and then some sushi for lunch, tuna, so it was really low-cal, healthy stuff. So far so good. Fast forward like two and a half hours. I eat a cookie. A peanut butter chocolate chip cookie. It was only one, but I started to freak out, and I purged. Now we've arrived at my rant for today:
What the hell is the deal with the digestive order of operations?! Okay, I HATE purging sushi. I don't do it. If you've ever done it, you know why, it's vile. VILE. Anyhow, So I purge not even five minutes after I eat the cookie. And if you recall, I haven't eaten sushi for like 2.5 hours, but you know what's coming, heh. That's right, SUSHI! Why? I JUST ATE THE DAMN COOKIE. How could it possibly be buried underneath 2.5 hour old sushi? I'm telling you, the human body is a strange and mysterious thing. Any med students out there wanna weigh in one why this is possible?
So this relapse isn't totally bad, because at least it's got me exercising again. Funny, when I successfully stop purging I also stopped exercising, but when I'm a total shipwreck b/p'er I'm exercising with obsessive regularity. Gah!
Today's tip: Goldfish crackers rock because you get so many fishies per serving, it seems like you're eating alot. What's even better? Baby Goldfish. The regular Goldfish Crackers give you 51 fish per serving, 140 calories. The baby Goldfish Crackers give you 89 fish per serving, 140 calories. 89 fish is more than 51 fish. Yay! (Who cares if they're smaller, it's a brain trick, but it works.)
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| I b/p'd last night. I was doing so well, too. Damn. Now my throat is a sore mess and my nose is all stuffed and I just generally feel like a crappy failure. I was a little worried this would happen once the boy was away, usually he's around so I don't get many opportunities to freak out in this fashion. So wind it back, reset the counter, days since the last purge: 0.
One of these days I will beat this. The reason I got so big in the first place was because of b/p-ing. I was a hot mess back then, and I binged ALOT. Everyone thinks that bulimics are skinny, and much of the time that's true, but not all the time. Because some of us eat absolutely stunning amounts of food. And no matter how hard you try, some of that stays in you I guess, and eventually it all starts to add up. Then when you try to STOP purging, oh holy hell, the pounds pile on at lightning speed!
Anyway, no sense reliving this here. I guess the only thing I can do is start over. Try harder. Be stronger. Keep fighting this ugly thing.
Today's tip: Plain popcorn is always hailed as the best snack, because it's so low-cal and light blah blah. But it's wretched! It has no flavor! BORING. But I found this stuff, "Kernel Seasons Popcorn Seasoning" - I like the "white cheddar" flavor, I haven't tried any of the others. It tastes awesome, so popcorn is worth eating again, and it's only 2 calories per serving. Yes, TWO! Weeee! If you've had that "Molly McButter" cheese seasoning, forget about it, it's awful, and this is nothing like that stuff. This stuff is WAY better. I found it in the spice aisle at the grocery store.
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